Friend or Foe?

“How can you abandon a friend just like that? Have you no mercy?” demanded a friend of mine, after I had told her about ending my 10-year friendship with a mutual friend of ours. This happened a few years ago, and I have since come to terms with everything that happened, but I will never forget the judgement that was laid upon me in those words. I remember feeling immensely sad, but I was not going to be made to feel guilty.

It is incredibly difficult to completely cut off someone you had considered a close friend for years. I was wrestling with this thought for a long time. But my gut kept on telling me, that no matter how badly one might fuck up, there are certain things that one just would never do to a person one truly loves. I felt such deep betrayal of trust that I lost all respect for her. And the amount of lies, defamation and manipulation that came out of her after we had parted ways only showed further proof of her complete lack of compassion and truth. It was not love. She was not my friend.

So no, I did not “abandon” a friend. I shook off someone who was causing me pain, disguised in the concept of friendship. This experience made me learn very deeply that sometimes saying “no” to somebody is in truth saying “yes” to yourself. 

We must be very conscious of how the people we surround ourselves with treat us. The thought of losing someone, even if they have a negative effect on us, can be so scary, that we actually lie to ourselves that we like them. We subconsciously convince ourselves that we need them in our lives, because we are so afraid of ending up alone. But if our lives are constantly influenced by fear, how can we ever find the courage to meet new people or create better, more nourishing relationships?

What we have to understand is that we get what we believe we deserve. And I am by no means saying, that if one gets abused, it is because they did not believe they were worthy of loving treatment. But I believe, that only a person who in some way does not believe they are worthy of loving treatment would be able to stay in a destructive relationship.

If we truly want to be loved and believe we deserve it, there is no reason we should keep people who cannot love us in our lives. It really is as simple as that, and can be summed up in two words that we all need to learn how to put into practice: self-respect.