To My Daughter

When a subtle whisper penetrates all walls of your being

When a distant melody caresses you like nothing before

leaving you in a daze – a softly floating, glowing state

When one beat unhesitantly grabs your insides 

and shoots you through darkness 

like the first stem of spring pushing through the Earth

When in a single moment all that is false is magnified in you

and you are forced to let go of all that is hard, heavy and untrue

When a single image conveys the unwritten wisdom

of ancient civilisations lost

moving an ocean of lives through your eyes

When a single word gives birth to a nebula of light within

crystallising the brilliance of your whole existence –

That, my love, is art.

The One Who Carries Me

I begin to feel the air surrounding me,

slowly pressing its weight on me.

Something which so unnoticeable was before,

now in its tireless embrace encompasses me.

Earthbound am I,

pulled towards the One who carries me.

Suddenly, nothing is expected of me,

In the grace of my Mother I can be silently.

In stillness of mind there is nothing I need.

The answer to everything is simplicity.

"It's not so Black and White."

On the journey of personal evolution we constantly meet people who challenge us. Some of them are there to open our eyes to truth and guide us further. Others are there to poke us and make us feel uncomfortable about our new life choices. Choices such as not consuming alcohol, or avoiding sugary treats. They say that you must be flexible with your values to make others feel accepted. Of course it is wonderful to have consideration for others, but they fail to understand that in order for the person to "be flexible" he is asked to cause himself guilt and a sense of failure from having gone against his own values. What for? Is it not completely backwards to go against the conscious choice of one, in order to feed the ignorance and insecurity of others? It is not always easy to see the highest wisdom in everything, but of course the poking and bullying is happening for a reason too.

As a simple example lets think about the reason why someone would not want to eat honey. Instead of drawing negative conclusions of the person or ridiculing them, we could ask them and find out what is the issue with honey. Perhaps this way we could learn that in order for the bees to produce only one pound of honey, they must visit 2 million flowers and fly a distance of over 55,000 miles, and because of this the person does not feel they have the right to take the nectar the bees have collected for themselves with such incredibly hard work. Perhaps the person is also concerned about the disappearance of bees which is increasing at an alarming rate. Perhaps to the person the flavour or the fact that honey is the most enzyme rich substance to eat for humans is absolutely secondary to the right of the honey bee as a species to be left alone. 

Some people think that aspiring to live your life according to your values is somehow restricting yourself. They tell you that “you’re taking life too seriously”, or “it’s not so black and white”. But they completely lack the comprehension of the bigger picture. There is no greater sense of liberation than knowing that the choices you make in your everyday life are aligned with your values. It makes one free. It brings one happiness, empowerment and integrity on the deepest level.

It can be disappointing to realise that someone you love does not seem to share the same values as you. But it does not necessarily mean they do not share those values deep down inside. Indeed, they just might have not found the back bone or that moral fibre in themselves yet. Perhaps they very much want to change, but they do not know how, or where to find the strength to take the first step. Or maybe their priorities just are different, and they are working on other equally important aspects of their lives instead.

What we have to remember is that change comes with responsibility. Living life consciously aware is like becoming a mirror to the people around you. And the image they see is not always nice. That conflict of inner and outer image, or ‘cognitive dissonance’, is the reason why some people start poking you, demeaning your efforts and ridiculing you. Only because within they know they are sticking to harmful ways. They are in denial, full of excuses and extremely uncomfortable with the idea of having to change their own way of living. We must not lower ourselves to judgement or anger, but learn to find the love and wisdom to see beyond the prejudice.

We tend to forget that the first step to healing is always resistance. Every single person who has transformed themselves has first had to battle their own demons. Each and every learned person has first been ignorant. It takes one to deeply look at their lives and then recognise what aspects of it are not serving them any longer to make a change. We can ask ourselves, “What is stopping me from becoming the person I know I truly am?” And instead of feeling envious or inferior to the people who are actually changing their lives for the better, why not use it as a positive example?

Like the old Chinese proverb goes: “The person who says it cannot be done, should not interrupt the person who is doing it.”

Material Girl in a Material World

    Image © Loral Amir and Gigi Ben Artzi

Artists Loral Amir and Gigi Ben Artzi have created a heart wrenchingly beautiful short film Downtown Divas. It is a story of the mistresses of the Russian nights: heroin-addicted sex workers. The women are captured in the studio wearing Louis Vitton, Miu Miu and Alexander Wang. Their bony bodies, dark eyes and lips devoid of any love embody the very image high fashion wants to glorify.

The portraits reveal haunting flashes of the human soul - dreams, memories, feelings - trapped inside these tormented bodies. It makes me question, what even is the difference between these prostitutes and the high fashion models in the end? Are they not both selling their bodies for the pleasure of others? Are they not both completely stripped of happiness, health and hope? Have they not both sold their souls in order to be reduced to a mere image, a body?

It frightens me to see this materialistic view completely infiltrated in every aspect of our lives. Materialism is the leading dogma of our contemporary science and therefore the basis for all observation and philosophy: there is no soul. How utterly meaningless would our existence be if that was true?

But there is life in us that moves beyond any explanation. When the dawn breaks and the first rays of Sun embrace the Earth, even the most materialistic of men falls breathless. Even the heroin whores dream of being held in the arms of someone who sees beyond their outward image, into the depths of their beating heart.

My children will not grow up to adore skeletal bodies and miserable lives. They will not study science and believe the lie. No, they will not worship matter. They will celebrate the mystery of creation. The wonder of the ever spinning electron. The beauty of truth. And the mercy of the Great Unknown.

Watch Downtown Divas: http://vimeo.com/108770583

To the ones I will never reach

As if this space was built for solemn souls

to sit side by side in silence.
Impenetrable wall
between you who sit right there opposite
And me.
How I could stretch out my arms
and fill your hollow heart
in sisterly love
If only you knew
the distance between us is not true.

Kunnes Opin

Liian kauan odotin.
Mutta sanoin viimein:
Lopeta se saatanan valehteleminen.

"En osaa,
en ymmärrä,
en tiedä.
Mitä väliä.
En koskaan tehnyt sitä."

Ei, en koskaan valmistunut.
Mut nyt mä olen valmis.
Olemaan minä.

Katsoin sinuun kerran
ja muistan teeskennelleeni,
etten pelkäisi.
Oikeesti olin paskat housussa,
hukassa.

En uskaltanut avautua,
antaa itseni rakastua.
Ei.
En antanut epäonnistua.

Onneksi elämä
mut kerta toisensa jälkeen
seinään paiskasi.
Pisti palasiksi,
murskasi.

Kunnes opin.
Antamaan anteeksi.
Olemaan itse itselleni tarpeeksi.

The Seed

Does the tree envy

The safety of the concealed seed?

And the seed, can it fathom

The hight of the soaring tree?

Is not the seed simply a seed,

Yet a tree within?

Incomplete complete.

Undefined definite.

So are we all.

Still, yet ever growing.

The Fall of Man

And so we fall
From the grotesque castles
Paved with rotten fruit
Of the garden that once was

Our brilliance stained
With insignificant worry 
Our minds stale
Stuck in a dead loop

Fostered we were 
Given a chance to be born
In the vast love of our Earthly Mother

But our innocence we at first instance
Declare a weakness
Exchange it for false futures
And gross cravings

No more do green blades of grass greet me
No more do winged creatures delight me
No more do I stand before my Creator in awe
No, obsessed by my own reflection in the mirror
My self I adore

On this Earth an arrogant force I walk
All beings fragile I stomp on
Taking Life
Never even blinking an eye

Denied have I 
The immortal wisdom in me
Severed have I
My divine origin 
Annihilated have I
The human within

What is it I want now?
Nothing please! 
Purify me of my greed
Take away my everything
An innocent being make of me

Otherwise, end me

See No Evil, Hear No Evil

Back in 2005 when I lived in San Francisco, my older brother and I used to do this thing 
where we would compare the top news stories in Finland and California. I was absolutely shocked by how different the world news was. It really opened my eyes and made me start searching for my own answers. Thankfully I was exposed to media bias early on, I was only 19 then and I haven’t watched TV ever since.

The longer I have been “away” from the news, the more absurd the flashes of front pages seem to me. Murder, sex, money, and sports. Oh, and must not forget pedophilia and cancer. Is there really no better way to spend our precious time and energy than to read the same stories of misery day after day? The news has got nothing to do with information any longer, they manipulate and hide so many aspects of the truth of any situation that it is impossible to know what really is going on and why. 

It is absolutely clear to me that the news is only there to show us as much violence and injustice as possible just so that we would accept that the world is evil and that there is nothing we can do about it. The amount of wrong that we are exposed to is so overwhelming, that it has become the norm for us. The news absolutely numbs our sense of justice, and kills our will to act or take any responsibility. We are made silent witnesses of horrid crimes. It is a means of control, of course. We are paralysed in front of our TV screens and newspapers.

But there is so much we can do! First of all, we can stop following the news and disconnect ourselves from the massive brainwashing machinery. What I for example do instead, is get updates from campaign networks and organisations like Amnesty International, Care2, SumOfUs and Avaaz, who are actually doing something about the atrocities blasted in neon screens and fat fonts. It feels great to be able to take action straight away - like sign a petition, send a direct appeal on an email or donate money. And these people share good news as well, which is completely missing from the conventional news feed. Of course nothing stops us from starting our own campaigns, demonstrations or petitions either.

The film The Matrix is frighteningly true when it comes to depicting an illusionary world. We really are controlled and used by similar forces to the machines in the film, only in our case they are gigantic emotionless media corporations. They carefully create this web of lies around us, shape our view so that we only see what they want us to see. Many of our thoughts and opinions are not even ours, they are implanted deep in our minds so masterfully that we have no idea of their true origin. How else is it possible that we can justify the genocide of Palestinians, factory farming, starvation or usury? We are all programmed to worship the same god of money and fear. This whole Western society, this upside down system, completely depends on the "sleeping people", their inability to take control of their own lives, and their unwillingness to wake up.

But the story doesn't end there. 

Not all of us are asleep. 

And not all of us will let the sleeping stay asleep.

Friend or Foe?

“How can you abandon a friend just like that? Have you no mercy?” demanded a friend of mine, after I had told her about ending my 10-year friendship with a mutual friend of ours. This happened a few years ago, and I have since come to terms with everything that happened, but I will never forget the judgement that was laid upon me in those words. I remember feeling immensely sad, but I was not going to be made to feel guilty.

It is incredibly difficult to completely cut off someone you had considered a close friend for years. I was wrestling with this thought for a long time. But my gut kept on telling me, that no matter how badly one might fuck up, there are certain things that one just would never do to a person one truly loves. I felt such deep betrayal of trust that I lost all respect for her. And the amount of lies, defamation and manipulation that came out of her after we had parted ways only showed further proof of her complete lack of compassion and truth. It was not love. She was not my friend.

So no, I did not “abandon” a friend. I shook off someone who was causing me pain, disguised in the concept of friendship. This experience made me learn very deeply that sometimes saying “no” to somebody is in truth saying “yes” to yourself. 

We must be very conscious of how the people we surround ourselves with treat us. The thought of losing someone, even if they have a negative effect on us, can be so scary, that we actually lie to ourselves that we like them. We subconsciously convince ourselves that we need them in our lives, because we are so afraid of ending up alone. But if our lives are constantly influenced by fear, how can we ever find the courage to meet new people or create better, more nourishing relationships?

What we have to understand is that we get what we believe we deserve. And I am by no means saying, that if one gets abused, it is because they did not believe they were worthy of loving treatment. But I believe, that only a person who in some way does not believe they are worthy of loving treatment would be able to stay in a destructive relationship.

If we truly want to be loved and believe we deserve it, there is no reason we should keep people who cannot love us in our lives. It really is as simple as that, and can be summed up in two words that we all need to learn how to put into practice: self-respect.

True Beauty

There is a campaign going against size discrimination in Instagram. It was started by a plus size girl whose account was removed after she posted pictures of herself posing in a bikini. Instagram is filled with half naked selfies, but apparently nakedness is only considered offensive if it involves a body of plus size. What does this tell about our society?

We all know the old saying “true beauty comes from within”. Yet it is not that easy to live by it. We are taught from a very young age to be very aware of the way we look. We judge each other by appearance, a lot of which is artificial. If I look into the adverts that the whole city of London is paved with, all I see is this kind of artificial beauty. We are surrounded by it. None of the models in the pictures seem to portray any real human character. Cold stares and fake smiles. Unnaturally perfect skin and thin waste lines. It is very easy to get lost in that world.

To me, a beautiful person is someone who is genuine. Someone who naturally makes other people around them feel good. These cities are filled with people dressed in beautiful garments, yet inside they are envious, greedy, poisonous. 

It does not matter how white your teeth are. If you are rotten inside, your smile is rotten. It does not matter if your eyelids are perfectly shaped, if in your eyes there is no depth. It does not matter if you have a perfectly fit body, if all that you do with it is take advantage of others. It does not matter if you wear the prettiest shade of red on your lips, if all that comes out of your mouth is negativity. And it does not matter how nicely you speak, if there is not an inch of truth in your words.

But we do not have to get caught up in that. We do not have to take part in the gossip groups of hateful people. We do not have to compare our looks to the looks of people obsessed with artificial beauty. We can focus our energies on creating good in this world. We can transform ourselves within, become the best possible people we can be, and leave the hopeless shallow worrying to the poor bastards who will never know what it truly is to feel good about themselves. 

Witness

Sometimes I am looking for

someone to admit it all.

If I choose, can I lose

hesitations

limitations
reoccurring fabrications?

Feels like I am forced to see
falling bees
killing trees
families of refugees.

My hands are tied
with passive pleas.

But since I know
does it show?

Could I stop the bloody flow?

Why do children hate their parents?

I ask this question with utmost loving intent. I wish no child would have to grow up with such inner conflict. I wish no adult would have to live with such guilt. But the truth is, many of us do. Many of us simply cannot stand to be in the company of our parents, and we feel terrible about it. And at the same time our parents are desperately asking themselves why their children do not call them anymore. Why nobody came home for Father’s Day. 

The reason I brought this up is that it seems to be a subject no one wants to touch. And no one wants to admit they dislike their own parents. We are conditioned to believe that we must love our parents by default. And so the hatred remains underneath it all, hidden in the politeness of the dinner table. Creating more distance. Ever draining, ever consuming.

But here is the thing, and this is vitally important for us to understand: we owe it to ourselves to face the hatred and we owe it to ourselves to get past it. We owe our parents nothing. They brought us here. And it was their responsibility, and theirs alone to guide us, guard us and love us. Unconditionally. We owe them nothing.

Of course being a parent is not easy. 
But it was their own stupidity if they chose to bring us here when they were not emotionally mature or balanced enough to be parents. 
It was their own selfishness if they could not arrange enough time for us. 
It was their own naivety if they thought having children would mend their relationship. 
It was their own cowardice if they chose to let their children grow up in a broken home. 
It was their own insecurity if they were only ever able to criticise us. 
It was their own weakness if they could not show discipline in other means than violence. 

It is their own lack of wisdom if they do not understand that we are our own people and we did not come here to fulfill their broken dreams. It is their own ignorance if they do not understand that we will always remember how they made us feel. It is their own hypocrisy that made us lose respect for them. And it is their insurmountable fear that will not let them go down on their knees and apologise. For facing the truth is terrifying. And one must forgive oneself to be able to ask for forgiveness.

Very often though we children grow up to be wiser than our parents. Sometimes it takes us to humble ourselves and talk about it all. And other times it takes us to realise that they just cannot do better and we simply move on. Some of us learn to forgive them and create a new, healthy relationship that is built on true openness and mutual respect. But we must, absolutely must let go of the hatred. Otherwise we are continuing a circle of conflict and guilt that we will pass on to our own children whether we want it or not.

Monday Triumph

It was 6.30pm on a typical Monday evening and I was taking the tube home. Normally I would not dare to attempt an underground journey at this time of the day, but as I had just had a lovely walk across the town, and my presence had been accompanied by a very rare phenomenon of sunshine and an old favourite playlist of mine, I had decided not to care about the flesh melting swelter and chaos of the rush hour. Standing on the platform, I had to wait for four Northbound Victoria line trains to pass until I was able to actually fit myself in the carriage. This however did not bother me since I was not in a rush anywhere. I had my music, it was my day off, and nothing was going to ruin my spirit. So I took a deep breath, squeezed myself through the edge of the train to the 20cmx10cm oval space in front of the doors, grabbed a hold of one of the blue poles and finally I was on the move. 

As a Londoner one learns very quickly how to stand in crowded trains without actually touching anyone, and so had I. Everything was going as expected, until suddenly I felt a growing sensation of unease. I looked to my left and sure enough, there they were: the most piercing pair of eyes I have ever met staring at me. Fed up to her ears, this fifty somewhat lady standing next to me had apparently decided I was the root of all discomfort in her tube journey and boy was she going to let me feel it. Never had I ever experienced such a hostile stare. It was as if she was shredding my face into mince with her black eyes. I stood there in amazement. I was taking up a ridiculously small space, I had not let out a quiet one, nor was my music loud enough for her to hear it. Why wouldn’t she turn her face elsewhere? 

After a few moments of this bizarre staring competition, I couldn't help but sincerely ask her what's the problem. She shook her head at me in most obvious disgust, as if I should have known what horror I have caused standing next to her, and continued to stare at me. At this point I started to feel a tickling sensation in the pit of my belly. The lady’s reactions were so ludicrously dramatic I was about to burst out laughing! But I was not going to give her that, so with the most innocent face I could possibly produce I looked even deeper into her eyes and asked, "Why are you staring at me like that?" Either she felt a nudge in the tiny black quivering piece of muscle that once used to be her heart, or her gigantic ego realised I was not going to apologise for my existence, and behold- she looked away! In complete triumph I faced the other way and beamed the most victorious smile Victoria line has ever witnessed! Only to see fifty other miserable faces in front of me. London, you are a cunt of a city, yet you continue to amuse me.

The Success Delusion

I overheard this self-declared spiritual master having a conversation with his friend: ”I know more successful people than you do.”  His friend: ”Well I know Mr. Bla Bla”. He then replied ”But I am talking about billionaires, is he a billionaire?” ”Yes he is a billionaire.” Is that spanking each other’s egos or what?

It really makes me cringe when "spiritual" people (or anyone!) define success by how much wealth one has accumulated. It really does not help that books like "The Secret" are the newest religion amongst the "enlightened" either. I basically opened the cover, flipped a few pages, and as soon as I saw the taglines "What kind of a house you want to live in? Do you want to be a millionaire? What kind of business do you want to have? Do you want more success?" I knew the book was not for me. I have no doubt the law of attraction works, but my immediate gut feeling was that the book only seems to be creating more desire. I refuse to believe that increasing one's wants creates more happiness, in my mind it is quite the contrary. 

So I decided to stay away from "The Secret" to success. I have my own ideas on the subject. How about looking at people through what kind of an impact they have on other people around them, or on the nature, or the animals? How about seeing successful people as those who have courage to speak up, who have found their path or are rigorously searching for it, who are happy in the moment, who are fighting an illness, who make time for their family, who are not afraid to be open, who can admit their flaws?

Some of us consciously go against this success delusion, taking low-paying jobs over high salaries because the things we value the most in life simply have nothing to do with money or social status.

Inner Voice

Some people call it the sound of God.. Lets play with this thought a little bit. 

It is said that it is a sin to do anything that takes you further away from God. Now, I am not a particular fan of the concept of ”sin”, nor do I believe in living life through fear of doing wrong or being punished for your sins. But I do know that the more I act against my own inner voice, the further it takes me from self-love. In this light, ”sin” would not necessarily mean something that we might objectively think is bad. It could be anything you do or leave undone that you know will make you feel bad about yourself. And we all know what hell it can be when we feel bad within our own skin. Therefore, metaphorically the whole idea of sinning taking you to hell actually makes complete sense. 

And as everyone has their own journey to happiness, I believe that each of us has our own individual ”sins” as well. Of course there is such a thing as a set of universally preferable behaviors, a certain moral code we all try to adhere to, such as don’t steal or kill, but interestingly even those rules have been made into matters of relativity in certain circumstances. One is allowed to kill at war, and on the other hand, one has to subject to being stolen from in the form of taxation- government being the thief. But I am not here to argue about morality that can be bent into laws and exceptions. I am talking about the subjective and in my belief also universally occurring experience of one’s inner voice - the inner truth of a person, or the guiding force within. 

We could also call these individual ”sins” obstacles of happiness. For instance, some people know they should get up earlier to feel more empowered during the day, yet every day they sleep in. Some people know they should not keep eating that junk food, or smoking those cigarettes. Some people know they should work less and spend more time with their family. These kind of inner conflicts demand a lot of energy, for we must constantly fight against our inner voice in order to justify our actions. No wonder oftentimes we are so exhausted at the end of the day, although we have done ”nothing”.

Also, some people talk of an inner voice that is very destructive, twisted or illusional, but I believe this is a product of a chemical or hormonal imbalance in the brain, or a severe spiritual matter. The inner voice I speak of exists underneath all that, in the very core of our being, and it never fully goes away. It can be muffled, ignored, fought against or buried by sickness or sorrow, and the longer it is being neglected, the more it begins to lose its force. Slowly it can begin to diminish, until all that is left is a silent shadow-like form that merely withers in the back of our soul. But when being truly sought after, it will rise from the deepest of graves and empower one from within. It is like an answer to a prayer. It appears, guides, protects and comforts. It is that very voice that makes someone not jump from the 56th floor. It is that voice deep within that makes even a serial killer cry in court when being forgiven by one of his victim’s parents.

So are we really talking of God here? Is that voice the divine consciousness manifesting itself within all of us? Or does it even matter what we call it? Whether we are Buddhist, Jewish or Atheist, I know we all still possess that guiding voice within. How about we start listening to it?

P.S. Here is a speech about self-love that Charlie Chaplin gave on his 70th birthday:

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!

Evergreen

There is a place.
A place so sacred and serene
no shadow, 
not even a whisper of darkness can reach it. 
It is a cradle of magnificent light, 
a prism of purest white. 
Where truth forgives the lie, 
where old fears kneel down and die. 
It is where time knows no beginnings nor ends, 
where moments and years embrace and never part. 
It is ever present like the Sun, 
in its warmth even the coldest thoughts thaw 
into glimmering streams of dreams. 
Where words become music, 
a symphony of a thousand brilliant prayers 
that fly into Space like shooting stars. 
It is magic. 
It is Evergreen. 

Darling, 
it is the Universe in your eyes, 
the place where my love for you resides.

Chasing Patterns

Was it her who was unhappy? 
Was it him who was always working? 
No, it was there all along. 
Before any of that happened.

There were little moments. 
Little patterns that kept repeating themselves. 
Little remarks here and there that first went unnoticed, 
but after a while started accumulating weight. 
There were fights. 
Insecurity. 
"Am I good enough?" 
Assumptions, 
dark thoughts that were held within. 
Difficult emotions from his childhood started coming up. 
"He doesn’t love me." 
Fear started taking hold, 
pouring its murky tar inside her mind. 

So it grew and grew, 
like a rolling landfall 
ripping trees off the ground as it went. 
Until all that was left 
was a ruin 
of two people 
who once were equally in love with each other. 
A destroyed land. 
A bitter sea. 
And a question why.

Neither one of them started it. 
Neither made it worse than the other. 
It was a silent downward spiral 
in which both of them unwillingly,
yet consciously leaped in. 
A gentle dance with darkness, 
where one’s insecurities 
fed the other’s fears. 
Neither had the courage to truly say sorry, 
neither had the wisdom to truly forgive. 
It was a list of mistakes that kept on growing. 
No one event was ever wiped away, 
but reborn in every argument.

Truth is, 
I never knew what love was 
until I was broken to pieces. 
But I never learned how to love myself 
until I had to be alone.